Stage Fright and Story Time
When I woke this morning today and started the daily ritual of cleaning and interacting with my family, I remembered that I had started a draft for my blog. A quick glance over and I started rewriting completely. I don’t critique my art or even life choices this hard. What makes putting my thoughts out there this difficult? Do I fear the same for my creative writing? Surprisingly, the answer is no.
When I write stories I am eager to show anyone who will read. (Before anyone asks, it’s usually a page of an incomplete project.) I’ve been handwriting in journals for years. I thought writing a blog would be good for stimulating progress in my other pieces. My avoidance says otherwise. Who knew a fear of intimacy wasn’t exclusive to dating?
Truthfully there was nothing wrong with the last entry. The topic was about the progress of my latest artwork and the books I read, both goals of mine for this year. I guess it just didn’t sound like “me.” Or perhaps it didn’t sound like me today. Maybe I’m treating this like a novel when it’s intended to be a public diary.
If I continue to overthink, I’ll never tell my human experience. The beauty in a journal is the flow of your thoughts in that moment. You don’t reread it and think about your sentence structure or grammar.
So yes, I have been working on those New Years goals. What I’ve also done is skip a week of work because I was depressed. I binged Sex and the City with my best friend and contemplated about what I want for my future. I made plans to reunite with an old love of mine. A customer gifted me the money for my car repair without telling me and brought me to tears. These are the moments I want to share.
My average of twenty readers make me feel more naked than I do on stage. I could easily quit saying this isn’t for me, but that isn’t true. I love being a storyteller and will eventually conquer this. The best way to get over the hesitation is to strap your heels on and give them a show. Until my next share, I wish you all the best. -Stella
This was a good read. Just pure, unfiltered thoughts in the moment, as you said. I liked you telling us about those little things: being depressed, binge-watching your show, the gift, and thoughts about your future.
Reading about those experiences makes this feel so much more intimate. We're getting a peek into the life of Stella, the person.
The fact that this scares you is good. It means you're stepping out of your comfort zone and growing.
As always, thank you for sharing Stella. I appreciate it!